Many years ago (over 10) I wanted to tell my friends about an insane experience I had with online dating. This was before Tinder, Bumble and whatever swiping apps people use today.
I used to say someday I’d write a book, kind of in the Tucker Max vein, before he was even on the map. ** Sidenote, if you never read the original ‘I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell’ you need to use the link, buy it and, do so because it’s AWESOME; skip the movie, it’s worthless and horrible.
You can thank me later!
Anyway, the reality is, I probably won’t write that book. What you are embarking on started as a short little story that started, as what would have been a facebook post (or email) but became so much more. Leaving out tons of detail it turned into a big chapter of my non book.
Why am I posting it now?? Well, now I have a blog! At the end of 2019, after Good Morning Vietnam!!! my laptop blew up and 2020 was a wash between COVID and this blog having issues so, since I wanted to start posting again thought why not revisit some craziness. I imagine some of you probably haven’t read it or seen anything this dumb since watching CNN or FOX this morning.
As previously mentioned, here I don’t really know how to write and write like I speak at times so some of this may not make sense. Regardless I think you’ll be entertained, be prepared, it’s long so…
GO GET A DRINK!
Sit back, relax, and comment if you laughed, cried, were disgusted, or even have your own story to share.
Like many of the single people (some married too I imagine), over the years, I have tried the whole internet dating thing.
For those of you who have never done the online thing, that probably means you have been in a relationship for a long time since I recall a friend of mine doing it as long as 20 yrs ago. Of course it was more frowned upon then whereas now it is the socially acceptable norm and people are swiping their days and nights away.
For me, this initial entry into online dating started with some prodding after a few couples, among friends, met online, dated and got married (some now divorced). Finally, I tried it and met someone that I dated for almost two years. Sadly, or maybe not, another story for another time, things didn’t work out and I didn’t bother with dating for a while.
Time goes on and a friend nudged me back into the online dating thing. I say nudged because I realized it could work but honestly just wasn’t into it and/or ready to date yet.
My friend suggested two sites I hadn’t used. One site was Match which I imagine everyone on the planet had/has head of. The other was a site called Plenty of Fish which, at the time, I hadn’t heard of and imagine many hadn’t. She said check it out, it’s a pretty cool site and it’s free so give it a shot. I came to find out that a bunch of people I knew were on this site already. They provided mixed reviews saying “what do you have to lose.” I tried them both.
So for those of you who have tried any of these sites you know it becomes like a second job. Since I didn’t like my first job this one became even more bothersome. The stupidity of these sites and some of the people on them is really insane. This statement still holds true today. It baffles me that people put themselves out there saying they want to date or meet someone yet they can’t even put together a sentence or build a conversation.
Most of online dating is about point and click criteria, looking for the next best thing or in today’s world swiping as many people as you can then going back and deleting matches’ online dating shit will make you nuts. We are all being sold in the SIMPLE FACT that we really only need one success. This same argument can be made about winning powerball, megamillions and lotto; the odds are probably not far off from being equal.
** Public service announcement **
For those of you contemplating being single, stay in your shitty relationships; trust me, you don’t want to be bothered with this crap.
Anyway I digress. I tried both sites briefly and quickly deemed Plenty of Fish, known as POF, or as Plenty of Flakes. Friends were telling me they were meeting tons of people, hooking up, dating etc. I don’t know because at the time most of the people seemed frightening to me.
I recall taking received emails, giving my own interpretations, attaching pictures and forwarding them to the friend who started me on this. She would be in hysterics with the shit I was getting and more so what my interpretations were; I’ll have to find those. Needless to say I was quickly over online dating.
Fast forward a bit I continued hearing all these good things about POF and decided why not give it another try. My thinking was I am single and there are single people out there and you only need to find the right one fish, RIGHT???
Here’s a story about a WRONG FISH. Not only do you get to read about her I’lll share the emails, txts, messages etc received during this, very short lived, “relationship”.
First off, you might be wondering why I put the work relationship in quotes and that’s because we went out four times; YES FOUR TIMES!
In being very generous with my time-frames I am going to say these 4 dates may have lasted 10-12 hours total and were over the course of less than two weeks. Let me preface the story with the fact that I thought Plenty of Fish was kind of funny so I used references to fish, fish in the sea, go fish (card game) and just about anything fish/fishing related that popped in my head when communicating. This particular girl took it to an extreme at times, she didn’t show up in a mermaid suit or anything (hmm that may have been interesting) but at times there was a fish tangent; not sure any of the extreme examples are below.
According to her, I was one of the first to email her and the first person she met. I 100% believe this to be true which may explain some of what you will be reading. She also mentioned she was married young, for a long time, has since been divorced, two kids and since the divorce has dated one person (sometime after the divorce) for over a year.
The details on the four dates are as follows… (I typed a hell of a lot of details but cut it back to get to the good parts which are still far away I imagine)
** Might be time for you to pour your second drink **
Date #1
We connect online she tells me she has dinner with her brother at 4:30 in the afternoon but doesn’t want to wait to meet so suggests we get together beforehand. Ok, we decided on the spur of the moment to meet at a bar/restaurant halfway between us. Each had a beer, a very general conversation, what do you do, where do you live, etc etc. I felt like I did 90% of the talking but 1st dates suck at times, people are nervous, so no big deal. As a matter of fact this might be the perfect 1st date, just meet, have a quick drink and be done. The entire date lasted an hour tops.
This really was/is the perfect 1st date with someone from online
The night of date #1 she sent me a text saying she really enjoyed meeting me, was sorry she had to go but would like to go out again sometime.
We decided to get together on Saturday night. My thinking is we will have dinner get to learn more about her and vice versa. I ask what time would work for her and she says she needs to see when her ex is picking up the kids, can we figure it out on Friday? Friday she tells me 4:30.
Date #2
Well given it’s 4:30 in the afternoon/evening it’s pretty casual. I learn a little more about her, her marriage/ex etc but overall not too much. She keeps the conversation more on me and I end up talking because she just keeps asking me questions. Of course I’m doing the same asking but her answers are short, not very informative, just the basics. However, I did learn she eats six times a day because she used to be a competitive bodybuilder and goes to the gym daily.
As the date continues I intentionally tried to not speak as much, asking more about her but she wasn’t really opening up. There was a little about her job, family but went deeper into asking me about my life experiences, where I have traveled, what I have done, things I like to try, do, etc etc. She said her big thing is the kids and the gym. The date lasted almost 3 hours, I walked her to her car, a little kiss (nothing major) and that was all.
She’s very nice, attractive and mentions in a text after date #2 that she’s looking forward to kissing me, so she’s a little flirty too. Honestly, nothing to really complain about, this is good but I still don’t really know much about her.
Date #3
We end up grabbing sushi during the week as her ex took her daughter to gymnastics and her son was at her ex in-laws. She said she only had about an hour maybe an hour and a half. I learn a little more about her, really more about her kids. I walk her to her car and we end up making out for a while outside, very good kisser, that’s always enjoyable.
At this point, not sure how into her I am but, after the kissing figure give it one more date because my assumption is she’s more comfortable. I further assume this comfort when she sends me a txt asking me
“what can you possibly see in me? You have lived a glamorous life, traveled and done so much what could I offer”
This makes me question should I go out with her again? But respond saying that so far I thought she seemed nice and since I still don’t know much about her and was interested in finding out more, unless she wasn’t interested; she was.
Now in all honesty I did find something intriguing about her, if I didn’t I may have possibly gone on a second date definitely not a third. Then again date #1 would typically not be an hour so maybe that threw me off, I’m not sure.
The point is she was nice, still interesting and, not going to lie, her body which I really got to check out on date #3 was a definite selling point. When teetering on another date the body pushed it over the edge for sure.
Date #4
The following Saturday my only question, what time are you available and would you want me to pick you up? I asked that because you never want someone to feel uncomfortable especially when the woman has kids at home. She says something about going bowling or playing pool. My thinking was a nice dinner but, wanting to find out more about this girl, she chooses bowling or pool, fine, another laid back date, why not.
Now I don’t have kids so I had only been at Dave and Busters with my ex and her kid (for him) once and before a concert in Philadelphia but this is where she chose to go. D&B on a Saturday night hmmm, well I should say Saturday evening cause she wanted to get together at 6:30.
Come to find out she gets up at 4:45am during the week and works on Sundays so, a little strange to me but ok. Apparently D&B packs them in and we ended up having to go somewhere else. She barely eats because this is meal 5 of the day and she has a whole plan for her meals. Since it’s Saturday meal #6 will be eating carbs at 10pm when she is home. There was tons of information about her eating habits, some of which were amazing given the way she looked and what she eats For example her first 2 meals of the day consist of a dozen eggs and that’s not all.
Whatever!! The date goes well and ends with over an hour of fooling around in my car (no sex). It was like being 17 all over again except for the fact that I was home before 10:30 and at 17 would have never been.
As crazy as it seems TONS and TONS of details are being left out but trying to get you to the good parts we are pages in already.
Get home from date #4 and think maybe this isn’t the girl for me?? She has crazy schedule around her 6 daily meals, the gym, work that includes being in her office by 7am on Sundays, and the kicker, which I found out on this date, her and her two kids live with her mom and step father.
In addition to all this she has never gone anywhere (not that big of a deal) and tends to stick to the same things, her schedule, kids schedule, same job, same food, same everything. None of that is horrible and most of it is normal but she seemed to be emphasizing this a lot on date #4. On the other hand she’s attractive, has a good job, seems very sweet, wants to go back to school to further her career/life and, not for anything, a good kisser with a great body. So maybe I should give this a shot, maybe that whole opposites attract thing, who knows??
Some typical communications following the date and she mentions she has a very busy week, I had a bunch of stuff going too, but we were going to try and get together over the next weekend.
Wednesday comes and I’m in NJ all day with my boss. She sends a note to see how I was feeling cause I hadn’t felt well. I was on calls, sitting in traffic and responded that night once home.
HERE COMES THE GOODs!!!!
*** I should note, I have changed nothing at all but names (she doesn’t actually address me as “Guy”) and email addresses. Everything else (punctuation, spelling, etc) is how it was received/communicated originally I only changed a little bit of the formatting to try and make reading easier and put her writing in blue ***
Thursday, 10:40 AM
From: “Nut Fish” <Batshitcrazy@holycrap.com>
To: “Dating Guy” psychoattractor@cantunderstand.com
Hi Guy
Hope you had a great night
I think you should go fish ….
I know what I need … I need someone who gives me comfort … When I need it .. Not a man who lives in a fantasy life ..and who is constantly running from something . I said you are a great man … I still believe it …. But I think you need to figure out way you don’t think that …. I hope your health issues get better and. You can explore this life in another. Light
Well as for me I need someone who can recognize my fears and helps me console them … Not play with them
The moments we spent together were beautiful and I believed I saw something
special in those eyes …,but my senses are telling me it’s not something your
ready for So stay in touch ….. When you get a chance … If you can tell me about building a
website ….want to help my son
Be good
Be well
Love Mental
Ok so she doesn’t actually end her note signed ‘Mental’ but this was the first email I received. Keep in mind it was 10:40am and on the road, middle of my work day, so I typically wouldn’t see this as soon as it was sent and two hours later she sends another e-mail
Thursday, 12:52 PM
From: “Nut Fish” <Batshitcrazy@holycrap.com>
To: “Dating Guy” psychoattractor@cantunderstand.com
Well thanks
Now I have 574 messages to go through
I dated a fisherman once …. Learned alot … About what fishes to keep and what
to throw back in … I didn’t understand it at the time … We caught these enormous
fishes …. And we only kept one …. But I realized that day it wasn’t the quantity of
the catch … It was the quality ….
So if you are one of those people who fish for blue fish … Want no part of it …
Easy catch …. I’ll take a bass …
Star …
Star?? No idea what that means but those are the first two mails received on Thursday. She made the decision that she wasn’t getting what she needed. Apparently I live in some kind of fantasy land, no idea where that came from (looking back, maybe I do hahah) but ok. Given she hadn’t said/told me much of anything I am not sure how I’d know what she needs or doesn’t need. At the time I read the notes back to back and responded with
Thursday, 12:52 PM
Ok.. I get you aren’t seeing possibilities but confused as to how I am to blame for 574
messages and not sure how I am going for blue fish (quantity) since I have actually only pulled like 3 fish in my boat and none since meeting you but ok, enjoy your fishing and good luck reeling in the big keeper.
That was it, I wouldn’t have thought that merited a response but she did
Thursday, 4:43 PM
From: “Nut Fish” <Batshitcrazy@holycrap.com>
To: “Dating Guy” <psychoattractor@cantunderstand.com>
Hello Guy bass
All i really needed was a little ( I’m putting my self out here) and some communication
You are a big beautiful bass ….and you don’t even know it … I definitely Have some issues I get really jealous I guess it stems from my abandonment issues as a child … Didn’t effect me so much when I was younger … But now … It’s horrible…(gonna talk to sons doc about )
So … I’m just the type of person that just needs a little attention to remind her of her value
Possiabilites …. Well I’m definitly physically attracted to you …. My shyness around you bothers me … .. I see great man in front of me … Who has yet to forfull the best part of his life But I also see someone who not willing to … owning up to something … Yes trying something new is nice … But it also takes away the value of making a decision on something you really like ….there will alway be something new and better …So you can think I’m weird … Emotional … Or just plain crazy … But at the end of this journey ( in this life ) I want to get it right … I will not have others failures be my own … Well I hope your feeling better ….
Mental
So, I read this email and was like WHAT THE FUCK.. not even WTF but the full on words. We dated four times, this girl didn’t tell me enough about herself nor did anything happen to make me (or any normal person, in my opinion) think this was some kind of committed relationship. So now not only do I find out she has jealousy issues (jealous of what??), abandonment issues stemming from childhood but now I am a bad person of sorts cause I am living my life, trying new things and have problems making decisions. So I am working and was going to just leave it alone cause I really didn’t care but then got these four texts (not emails) which I didn’t even see til around 7pm
Thursday
So u done with me 5:45 PM
? 6:34 PM
A yes or no will suffice 6:41 PM
Just make a decision Guy … Yes or no 6:51 PM
Now I MUST RESPOND cause I can see this is just going to keep happening
Thursday
Just saw your txts. Not sure why you’re asking me to make a decision or if I am done, you basically said you were moving on earlier today now it seems you’re not. I found the last email kind of judgmental and a little offensive actually; I have made many decisions, commitments and owned up to plenty in my life. Granted it is different than yours but everyone can’t be the same; right. As for liking new experiences or trying new things that isn’t about always looking for something better and isn’t AT ALL equated to relationships. I can’t speak to your jealous issues or need for more attention at this point or in general which you apparently felt you need more. I am not judging you as weird, emotional or crazy, you want what you want and that’s to get it right and not fail. Best of luck 7:43 PM
I think I was poignant but still, in essence, say I am not what you’re looking for, best of luck. If you are her, you may think I am the biggest fucking prick ever and maybe an asshole or anything else but is there a response needed? I THINK NOT!!!! However here comes the onslaught.
Keep and eye on the email dates/times and my responses or lack of..
HERE WE GO!!
Thursday, 8:10 PM
From: “Nut Fish” <Batshitcrazy@holycrap.com>
To: “Dating Guy” <psychoattractor@cantunderstand.com> Boy Guy
I expected more from u
I Guess I let my imagination get the best of me
I didn’t mean to be hurtful in anyway … I just felt like you never took that leap Most people I meet try to throw themselves in my life … And you were hesitate …
So I guess I used my defenses to figure out why … Or to sabotage something good
Well once again … I think your beautiful Man ….
Happy fishing … Hope u get a good one
Love
Mental xoxo
Never took the leap?? We dated four fucking times. I didn’t inject myself in her, where was I injecting myself into her fucking life? I barely know her, was I supposed to suggest me and the kids get together? Maybe she wanted me to take her back to D&B and jump in one of those pools filled with rubber ball, what kind of leap was I taking at this point??
Maybe her other relationships haven’t worked because she allows people to inject themselves into her life too quickly? I mean maybe mine have failed cause I don’t inject myself in but that definitely wasn’t the case here and she was expecting more? WHAT? I decide I am no longer entertaining this or responding. 2 hours 28 minutes later she sends another not, which after reading that I discovered there was an earlier one just 47 minutes after the first above.
Thursday 8:57:26 PM
Hi my Name is Mental
Wanted to let you know your quite the cute One
New on this site …. Happy fishing
Thursday, 10:38 PM
From: “Nut Fish” <Batshitcrazy@holycrap.com>
To: “Dating Guy” <psychoattractor@cantunderstand.com>
Sorry last email
I loved your kiss …. It was intoxicating .. And very special … and that little squint near you eyes when you smiled Could of stared at it all day
I guess I needed more of it …and It wasn’t enough … And I didn’t know how to react … And could not understand why you didn’t need more Maybe it’s because you don’t feel well… Or maybe It was just not there for you
Well I just wanted you to know That you gave me a special moment …
Where I got lost in you … So what did I do … I pushed away
In a Few weeks just let me know … How your feeling ….
Mental
Well if she needed more kisses I guess she should not have told me to GO FISH and then judge me. If she wanted to jump in the sack then she should stop needing dates at 6:30 at a place like D&B. Hmm all just thoughts but I prefer to not respond especially since it was her “last email” and I have weeks to let her know how I was feeling. She wasn’t waiting and it wasn’t the ‘last email’
Friday, 11:22 AM
From: “Nut Fish” <Batshitcrazy@holycrap.com>
To: “Dating Guy” <psychoattractor@cantunderstand.com>
Hi
Just had a long talk with my mom … On how I get with this dating …And how serious I take it ..( cried my eyes out) silly me She agreed I need to lighten up … And no one owes me anything … And vice Versa So I’m gonna listen to my mother (for once in my life .)..and date more than one person at time … And let it be fun … And not serious So im sorry I bashed you in some ways … I was just taking out my own frustrations with myself … At my own uncomfortableness
So here I go again …. Pick myself up … Dust myself off …, and set on my new adventure
Thanks
Sounds like mom is being level headed telling her to lighten up, date multiple people and have some fun. Maybe she really needs to speak to her about these abandonment issues; just another thought! Well, I appreciate letting me know you and mom had a heart to heart and you’re setting out on a new adventure, I hope it’s enjoyable but I’m done so still no need to respond even if almost 12 hours later you do.
Friday, 11:00 PM
From: “Nut Fish” <Batshitcrazy@holycrap.com>
To: “Dating Guy” <psychoattractor@cantunderstand.com>
I’m sorry Guy … I just freaked out …I was putting all this pressure on myself …
When its suppose to be fun… Thats why I couldn’t even speak I hope you will still talk to me ….one day Because I really did like you ….And I feel horrible about how I acted …I do care …… And I know u know that
Well now I know why you didn’t speak there was all this pressure holding your tongue although the pressure released for the kissing. My only question here. if you feel horrible about how you acted then how are you feeling now; psychotic enough to send me another email in 6 minutes maybe?
Friday, 11:56 PM
From: “Nut Fish” <Batshitcrazy@holycrap.com>
To: “Dating Guy” <psychoattractor@cantunderstand.com>
You know it way past my bedtime … So its really bothering me … Even though you probably won’t talk to me in the future …( probably never again 🙁 Will you please except my apology….
I would accept your apology “EXCEPT” I am not responding and “probably never again” make that probably a definitely even before these texts
Saturday
I can’t sleep …. I feel awful Will you forgive me …. U don’t ever have to see me again:( But I need to know …. That you accept my apology … I Was lashing out at me …. And took it out on you …. And I am truly sorry 12:14 AM
Hey u …. The man who looked into my eyes … ..and had those soft lips …., who touched me You never got scared … And did something you wish you could take back …. And
not really sure why you did it in the first place 12:26 AM
YES!!! I wish I could take back the fourth date but I am still not going to respond. My apology acceptance should be meaningless, I didn’t inject myself in you or your life and am very thankful for that since I can’t imagine the insanity that goes with that if this is what my “soft lips” did. But, does any of this matter?? NO cause you’re going to take your crazy ass over to can take your crazy ass over to POF and send this
Saturday 12:48:41 AM
From: “Nut Fish” <Batshitcrazy@holycrap.com>
To: “Dating Guy” <psychoattractor@cantunderstand.com>
Hi my name is Mental …
I’m new here … Not really sure what to do .so I get scared a lot … I met this cute fish once …. and I poke a couple of holes in him…. I don’t think he will ever talk to me or see me again….if you see him around … Tell him he was so sweet … So cute … So sexy …. I scared my self so much …. That my hooks went into him…. But I guess … If he truly saw who I was … He would be able to forgive that scared little fish inside of me
xoxo Mental
Now I am cute and sexy but got some holes poked in me and need to swim as fast as I possible can but first these words from Sybil fish 7 hours later
Saturday, 7:59 AM
From: “Nut Fish” <Batshitcrazy@holycrap.com>
To: “Dating Guy” <psychoattractor@cantunderstand.com>
Fine … Perfect fish
That’s how I will remember you …
And if we ever cross paths again … Ignore me please ….Because I was not worth
your time
I AM IGNORING YOU CRAZY FISH!!!! But let us not think about the fact that you’re not getting it and have become a stalker fish, let us also take an hour to reconsider my flaws..
Saturday, 8:59 AM
From: “Nut Fish” <Batshitcrazy@holycrap.com>
To: “Dating Guy” <psychoattractor@cantunderstand.com>
I guess in some strange way … I saw this flaw in you And i played with it …You can’t forgive …. Only when a drink is in hand …It’s those Gemini’s … My father is a Gemini ….( probably why I was scared to death of u ) To different personalities …His warm side only came out when he drank … Tell me how much he love me …And he was gonna make everything up to me ….. Next day … Cold fish …So … I hope you find someone … To warm you up inside … And you can forgive those in your past …….,Yeah us sagatarius … We are fire … We can be judgmental and harsh … (And boy I know I’m flawed ).. But at the end of the day it’s to make a positive change
Mental
So now you have daddy issues too but it’s about me. Yes I like to drink and people like you make me want to drink more cause it reminds me how fucked up people in this world are. I hope I find someone too but you’re not her and you even told me that a few days ago.. NOW GO AWAY!! Oh that’s right you can’t cause you’re out of your fucking mind so in 1 hour 23 minutes maybe another email would be appropriate…
Saturday, 10:22 AM
From: “Nut Fish” <Batshitcrazy@holycrap.com>
To: “Dating Guy” psychoattractor@cantunderstand.com
So I’m sorry Guy fish …. That I have been a selfish fish For lashing out …. And being so critical of u ….and picking you apart …( it was very selfish of me ) There was definitely some of my own gains here . ….I guess I was being selfish for the gains of learning about a personality…. To fill my own needs and anger … And just plain old understanding
So I wish only the best for you ..I mean that truly ….,, you are a beautiful fish full of life and has so many gifts ….I just hope you can open up to share them .. And find happiness
Love always
Mental
Hey! Bi-Polar Fish!!! “Love always”?? it was four, count them, one, two, three, four fucking dates. I never even picked you up for any of these dates at your weird fucked up times. If I had some fucking Prozac I would share it with you for sure!! But hey I have an idea maybe your third, fourth or whatever personality should grab your phone send a message. Maybe something like..
Saturday
You still mad at me …. Let me know … Before I go out dancing… With this stranger
I have issues no doubt ..why I took them out on you … I can’t answer that .. …Just Acknowledge me… And l will leave you alone 6:16:45 PM
Mad? I haven’t acknowledged you in days? Who’s mad? And weren’t you going to take your mothers advice and date more than one person. Go dance with the devil in the pale moon light for all I care just leave me the fuck alone. On the other hand maybe an e-mail within the hour…
Saturday, 6:56 PM
From: “Nut Fish” <Batshitcrazy@holycrap.com>
To: “Dating Guy” <psychoattractor@cantunderstand.com>
Will u say something to me …. Your driving me nuts Ok I give you some phrases
Get lost
Ur nuts
Take a hike
Or I forgive u
or hi my name is Guy
Just something
This guy on line just told me I have fabulous tits … Where do you see that in the
picture
Oh I think you were nuts long ago, I didn’t drive you there, not even Dale Earnhardt Sr. could drive that fast! And thanks for adding in the part about your tits, that seemed relevant; ya fucking nut!! But hey that might seem crazy but not that crazy compared to…
Saturday, February 18, 2012 7:14 PM
From: “Nut Fish” <Batshitcrazy@holycrap.com>
To: “Dating Guy” <psychoattractor@cantunderstand.com>
Went. Looking at the juke today …. Liked it …just not sure if back seat to small for kids … They offered it at 22600 Debating if I should get Altima … Bigger …. But not all wheel drive
Cause in the midst of these insane emails and then some talk about your tits I think we should go get Kelly’s blue book and check the pricing on some vehicles. Maybe we can order a few carfax’s too. Shit, why don’t we just take a test drive to the psychiatric center closest to you? Doesn’t that sound like a plan? We can get you a nice padded room a straight jacked and give them a printed version of this and you will be all set..
So at this point in this scenario I am about to jump in the shower and my phone rings it’s her.. Yes, Mental has decided to call me I get in the shower cause who cares plus my voice mail transcribes it to email anyway which makes it easy for this..
Saturday, 7:34 PM
(Hangs up on my voice mail)
Saturday, 7:35 PM
(Hangs up on my voice mail)
Saturday, 7:38 PM
Hey it’s Mental. I just wanted to tell you. I’m very sorry. I umm don’t know what to
say let’s say I don’t know why I acted the way I did, I definitely have some issues.
I just want you to maybe forgive me
Keep in mind, it’s Saturday evening (late night for her), I am not going out but she doesn’t know that, thinks I am out with a ton of “Fish” which I guess is part of her jealousy issues. After all this maybe I would have just emailed her back to say something to just get her off my back. Ok in all honesty that’s bullshit I wouldn’t!! I didn’t see the transcript of the above cause I got out of the shower and before reading the transcript blocked her number and then started making some dinner. In the meantime
Saturday, 7:50 PM
From: “Nut Fish” <Batshitcrazy@holycrap.com>
To: “Dating Guy” <psychoattractor@cantunderstand.com>
Can you break your record of being stubborn .. … people are not perfect …Yeah I’m not …. Never said anything in my marriage … Kept my hurtful words inside ….. Now I’m cursed …they just fly out …. I take the totally opposite approach …. And its wrong … I have this need to point out faults …. So mistakes can be avoided …. But what I lacked to do in my marriage is my biggest fault now…
Which to me is basically saying you would like me to acknowledge an apology from you but you were pointing out my faults cause you needed to. Well thanks, I appreciate that and it is true no one is perfect but regardless of their imperfections most people wouldn’t be emailing and texting a person they went on four dates with like it was a marriage breaking up. I was now making food so before I saw either of those or could even think to make any kind of acknowledgement not that I would, cause I wouldn’t, I received this one
Saturday, 8:26 PM
From: “Nut Fish” Batshitcrazy@holycrap.com
To: “Dating Guy” <psychoattractor@cantunderstand.com>
Ok….
I guess it is missed .. The chance …The moment …. The opportunity
To find something real …. With u I’m very Flawed …. But I’m a fighter … I have no problem admitting that I’m wrong.. .. I’m affectionate … I dont give up ..I’m sexually pleasing ..I’m passionate … I’m broken … But fixable … With the right man by my side … I forgive … And I will forgive myself for treating you poorly … Because we are here to love and be loved …..Can’t believe you listen to train … And cant comprehend the real meaning of his words … Ok Guy …. I’m gone … Like you wanted me to be
Not even Jeff Spicoli’s Dad has the tools that can fix this shit.. PRAISE THE LORD.. She is gone.. or is she??? Well just when I thought maybe.. NOPE here is the last one..
YOU READY FOR IT.. THIS IS GREAT!!!!
Saturday, 8:42 PM
From: “Nut Fish” <Batshitcrazy@holycrap.com>
To: “Dating Guy” <psychoattractor@cantunderstand.com>.
Oh yeah… And you missed the best sex of your life… Ha
Well as I said to a friend. I imagine the sex would be great cause crazy people are crazy in every aspect of life. If this insanity above is any measure of the sex well then chances are it would have been crazy maybe even the best! Of course it would have also been like praying mantis sex where she would have fucked me then bit my fucking head off and killed me..
Can you say one fish, two fish, three fish, wrong fish? I know I can! 
Welcome to my world!!! Sure I might be fucked up, like to drink a lot, travel, dine out, go to concerts and enjoy life; and who doesn’t like fantastic tits?? I am sure I can find a few people that would definitely, agree with some of this shit she said and even think I am a horrible human being for not responding to her pleas for forgiveness but who’s to say that would have ended it, who’s to say it’s even over? I mean it hasn’t even been a full day yet no one knows what tomorrow will bring.
Then again maybe she will just wait to find me in our next lives (she told me all about how everyone has them) LOL!! Ironically I actually did hear from her again. It was like two weeks later and she just some random note, basically a hi, how are you, as you can imagine, I ignored it!
And there you have it.. NUT FISH!! an Online Dating Story..
